For All Those Who Want To Know More About Me…
Till the time I was working during the college hours and on field, it was ok at home as well in office. Because of my science practicals, my college got over at 3 pm and on others days it got over at 12 pm. this difference in time was the reason for doubts for my parents again mainly my Mom, because she wanted an excuse to put me down and use someone as tool to show the world how good and great she was! I was a handy tool for her, she could use me to be the centre of attention from all relatives , neighbour and the family including my Dad. So she told everyone that actually my college got over at 12 and I must be definitely going out on other days to enjoy with others (especially boys). It had become a everyday issue. I was tired of explaining that nobody dates a handicap, they all want pretty girls, and I am not even beautiful as she kept calling me -‘chhee’. but how many people could I explain that? that she is using me as a tool to her ego and attention.
I had taken up the household work and taking care of my younger siblings besides studies, therefore found no time and no energy and nor inclination to go and explain my point of view to others. My mother was the one defaming me. She had all the time to gossip around. I could see that but not others- they had a point- why would a mother do that? but they did not understand her hidden hatred towards being married to a handicap man and then giving birth to handicap daughter (this was a greater stain to her name). This handicap daughter will be the reason for more dowry and therefore lesser good things left for her. None paid attention to all this -people usually don’t have time to think over others problems. They are just interested in gossips, which my mother gave them plenty of it – she knew this and had very good convincing powers to an extent that she could make the whole wrong -right and the right the wrong.
To end up all that I told them that my science practicals are on the days and so my new time would be from 7 am -7 pm and if they want they can come to college to find out. I knew my Mom won’t come alone and Dad has no time. I had no other way except to tell this lie and to have some peace to myself. At my survey company, it was necessary to have a daily attendance and to do every project, so was good. I worked at my pace and on the projects that I wanted to. This way I had some money to myself to buy some clothes, to buy things required during practicals etc(which they were very reluctant to pay as they were not in favour of education to me at all, so every time I asked for money for something like this, I had to go through a lot of mental tortures for even a Rs.10) , for travelling etc.
But to buy clothes also was a major problem, as this gave my Mom to doubt me even more. She kept telling everyone again that I must be sleeping around with people for the money. I was so hurt every time she said that and also hated that such a cruel, nasty and idiot person is my mother. She was all the time harassing me for one or the other thing. For my clothes I lied her again that there was an activity in college to raise funds for the leprosy eradication and I was awarded for it. This lie of mine again had raised doubts on me, but she could not verify this from anyone. So she kept quiet and thank god I was at peace again for this. I did not want to tell her about my Survey company job as I knew my mother’s jealous and cruel nature. I knew she would create trouble for me. Like she complained of me at my school. She wanted me to harass so much that I would leave the studies and agree to get married and go away. Not that she wanted good for me, but she wanted a burden to go off her head and that too her hatred was so deep that she wanted bad for me. I could sense her from all that she said and did to me that she did not wanted a good marriage for me. She wanted a family for me who would harass me day and night. She kept telling all that when I was all alone in the house. And I knew that she will go to any extent to see it happening. After all I had seen her doing all that all my life till now. I had reasons to believe all that. I could see that she will create trouble for me in my married life too. She was that cruel. I knew she was not like other Moms around. I had not seen behaving so cruelly to their children. At least they did not try to defame their own children and don’t beat them in public. I was a grown up now and deserved to be treated normally in public at least. Whatever clothes I would purchase she would either give away to my younger sister if it fit them or to our relatives or throw it away, at the time when I was gone to college. She could not see me happy at all. She hated to see me happy.
For All Those Who Want To Know More About Me…